Okay, so somehow I’m sitting in Starbucks/Chapters at Yorkdale Mall, nursing a coffee, and trying to write, while Jesse sees the new Bruce Willis vehicle.

Guess what day it is? The day the J.K. Rowling Empire gets even richer. But I’m here. I’m a witness. So I’m gonna blog about it.

9:22 pm: Big crowd. They’re giving out candy floss! I got overwhelmed with emotion for a second, like when the Blue Jays won the series. Weird.

9:24: Nerds of the world unite! Seriously, these kids all look like me at that age–a little clueless, bookish, hair kinda wild…

9:33: Holy crap. The costumes. People are really trying to look like characters. It’s a cult of misfits hopped up on sugar. Wait a second… all the people wearing costumes are Chapters employees. So, it’s basically like Halloween, if everyone were paid minimum wage to dress up for the night.

9:52: Caved in and lined up for cotton candy. Had to wait a while. I was the tallest person in line. Bumped into a young woman who buys all my books at fairs. At first I was a little embarassed, but then I realized she was there too. I noticed that, like me, she ignored the table of healthy treats (carrot sticks). :p

9:56: Man, that candy floss disappeared quickly. Is it too piggy to go back for more?

10:10: My tummy hurts. Is it the coffee or the candy? Ugh.

10:21: Just spotted a second person I know, though he’s significantly younger than me.

10:28: A dementor just walked past, “reading” a coloring book. Heh.

10:35: We’ve separated the wheat from the other people who were shopping at the mall, because all the stores have been closed for half an hour. I’ve given up on writing and dumped the coffee. Oooh, a bucket of lollipops just went past…

10:50: Spent some time looking through the graphic novels section for Scott Pilgrim #2, but they don’t have it. Has it even been published yet??? Picked up Julie Doucet’s My Most Secret Desire instead and leafed through it. Wow, was that the wrong thing to read in a store filled with kids.

10:58: Chatted with the young woman who likes my books. She’s on Facebook. I told her to send me a friend request. Turns out she works at this Chapters. She said a girl has been camped out since 10 am, waiting for her copy, even though the HP line didn’t open until 6 pm. Hope she brought some food and water.

11:04: Dude, there’s a magazine called Guilt and Pleasure! Just thought “sounds like my life,” and noticed it’s subtitled “making Jews talk more.” LOL. It really is about my life.

11:12: Okay, it’s official. Johnny Depp has always been hot. I just found an entire magazine about him. Did you know he dated Sherilyn Fenn (of Twin Peaks fame, and recently Luke’s daughter’s mom on the fab Gilmore Girls)?

11:20: I thought they recently updated Archie Andrews and Friends. They look the same to me.

11:22: Ha ha. Found a new Archie. I was looking at a special commemorative issue of strips from 1965! Totally dating myself.

11:25: I’m not sure about the new Archie. His freckles look like pimples and Betty and Ron look like vapid Barbies… Even more than before. Plus, Veronica has blue eyes–what’s up with that? Colored contacts?

11:32: I hate it when you eat jellybeans and all the bad ones are chewed on one side of your mouth, just by accident. So one side of your tongue tastes like crap… Oh, I’m in line now, for some reason, to buy the book. What a sucker I am, really.

11:38: I’m soooo tired. Where’s Jess? Shouldn’t Die Harder and Harder Part 46 be over by now? I’ve been in this line for five minutes and already need water.

11:45: Just saw someone else I know, but can’t remember where from. Middle school? Maybe I’ve got that age on my brain. It’s possible she only looks like that French movie star Charlotte Gainsbourg (you know, Ma femme est une actrice? Great movie, if you haven’t seen it).

11:46: Not a good idea to sit on the floor if you’re wearing low riders. Seriously.

11:50: Spontaneous applause as the books were wheeled past. And people are butting into line.

11:53: Yay, Jesse’s here, and he’s gone to get me some water. XOXO

11:57: Jesse (the hacker) just reported that the little convenience store where he bought the water is selling copies. Crap. Actually, he whispered it, which meant there were only 4(!) people waiting when I got there, not 400.

12:04: Back in the car! On our way home! No guilt about buying anything from a big box store except a regular coffee, and the Chapters line has barely moved!

12:05: I love my BlackBerry. Wow, I’m piling the endorsements on you poor, unsuspecting readers tonight. Sorry.